Customer Service Representative

I am consistently reminded of sexism's presence most often when working behind the counter at the cafe. Not to detract from the many wonderful patrons that I come across daily, but I can't help but note the difference in treatment that I receive in comparison to my male co-workers. The expectations for women in the service industry to wear plastered smiles, laugh at jokes-especially the sexist ones, and to flirt with any male patron that walks through the door are oppressive, saddening, and infuriating. This is especially troubling considering jobs that involve tips, where making money from male patrons often depends on employing one of these gendered expectations.

1.) The Suspicious Stranger
Perhaps the most interesting reaction to my refusal to play the flirtatious card is an immediate distrust of my presence. I wish that I could do this particular phenomenon justice with the written word, but I can summon this all up with a single look-furrowed brow, grimace, and a wide eyed stare. My refusal to perform normative feminine behavior throws men off their tracks. If we meet again, I am usually met with coldness, lack of eye contact, and mumbling.

2.) The Apparel Commentator
And what perfect timing for this one seeing as it just happened as I write this blog. I don't care what a woman wears, she is NOT asking for it. I am wearing shorts today-it's hot and I like the way I look in them. I don't need to know from strangers that they like it too. The "I like your shorts, skirt, sexy pin up girl tattoo" all fall into this category. I understand the true implications of such statements, and I do not see them as compliments. I am being reduced to body parts and nonreciprocating sexual desire. Not to mention the presumption that I am heterosexual and would be attracted to men in the first place or attracted to heterosexist male performance!!


3.) Beautiful, Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Sugar
Perhaps one of the most overlooked but most frequently utilized, the usage of pet names makes me furious. Whether with good intentions or bad, this tactic is undeniably sexist. Rarely if ever directed towards male employees by male patrons (which warrants another discussion on the role of homophobia in the service industry), I am frequently greeted with "Hey beautiful....sugar....darling." I find this one of the easiest for me to resist and here's how. When a male patron announces their presence this way, I simply treat it as if they have mistaken me for someone else, holding out my hand and introducing myself: "Actually, my name is Crystal. Nice to meet you." Unfortunately not every circumstance lends itself to this conversational progression, but I have found this response on my part humanizes me and leads to a better interaction with this customer in the future.

4.) Don't Be So Sensitive...Can't You Take a Joke?
I have one instance in particular that I will never forget because the comment was so explicitly offensive. A year or two ago, Danielle and I were enjoying one of our many Sunday morning shifts together. Two men come in and order a coffee. Simple enough. No big deal. After about 20 minutes or so, one of them approaches the counter and matter-of-factly states, "Since you ladies don't have your aprons on, I suppose I'm going to have to ask for a refill myself." Such a foolish and dated comment that I nearly scoffed out loud. Sensing my disgust, he retorts, "Oh don't be so uptight. It was just a joke." The "oh, you're just an overemotional, too sensitive female" cop out response. Truly one of the oldest tricks in the book! It shuts down any chance for him to take responsibility for his sexism and places the blame onto the female.

5.) Downright Sexual Harassment
This one has kept me emotionally charged for several weeks now, seeing as I faced my first experience with severe sexual harassment by an employee at the business right next to mine. My experience began with an unwanted pick up line or two, but when no obviously did not mean no to him, things began to escalate. Explicit sexual comments about my appearance and unwanted physical contact followed my consistent reiteration of "I am not interested". He stressed that he didn't like rejection and that because I was so beautiful, he just couldn't help himself. I escaped physically unscathed, but the emotional detriment of sexual harassment and borderline assault can leave an indelible scar. It threw me off of my power so significantly that I was not able to react in a way that may have shut down his further advances. This feeling of guilt and searching for ways I could have altered my behavior to have prevented it is the result of improper social messages that places prevention responsibility onto the woman. The only positivity I can glean from this experience lies in having a first hand experience in the oppressive and frightening ways sexual harassment and assault function.
***This just in: he got fired for what happened. Apparently I wasn't the only one harassed by this creep. Not that this gets to the root cause of his behavior, but at least he faced some sort of repercussion, and I don't have to worry about him while working.

These examples of sexist behavior, not limited to the workplace, permeate the many spaces of a woman's life. My professor Dr. Kubala, made an interesting point in class the other day, in the context of street harassment, that many acts of sexism, racism, classism, ect.. serve as punishment for women and other marginalized groups'(relegated to private realms of the home) increased presence in the public realm. I would extend this argument to the workplace, especially the service industry; however, I do not intend to suggest that misogyny does not occur within the home in epidemic proportions. The service industry represents one of the many precarious places for a female, having to constantly negotiate the male gaze and the actions that accompany it.

How have you experienced sexism, racism, classism, ableism in the workplace? My categories do not encompass the many ways one can experience misogyny. As a white woman, my racial privilege limits my full understanding of the ways this may function in a female's life.

Virginity and Value

So much time has passed since I posted anything here. Blogging is something I always tell myself I am going to cultivate, and yet I always seem to become so caught up in the day to day happenings and responsibilities. I suppose school is a decent excuse, but still!

I am very excited to embark on some new research over the course of the summer and into the new school year. First I plan on delving into the concept of virginity as dictated within several coming of age television series that aired during the mid to late 90s: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, My So Called Life, Felicity, and Dawson's Creek. These series contributed a great deal to the dominant scripts concerning youth and sexuality within my generation. Largely heteronormative and female focused, the plot lines weave tales with many common threads. Virginity becomes reified, positioned as a tangible object, something that one can save and/or give away, i.e. "losing your virginity."

Embarking on some preliminary research, I've picked up Jessica Valenti's The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women So far it has proved to be a quick, informative read. Valenti writes in a way that is very accessible, which I appreciate and provides an analysis of virginity spanning the past 20+ years within the U.S. I especially enjoy her discussion of how the purity myth functions within rape and abortion discourse amongst anti-choice/pro-choice activists, within pop culture, and the resulting policy decisions. The "Woman's Right to Know" or informed consent laws that make it mandatory for doctor's to degrade women who seek an abortion, seeks to remind women of what an abortion means through forced ultrasounds and paternalistic counseling. Apparently within the states of Texas and Mississippi doctors are required by law to tell women that abortion and an increased risk for breast cancer are directly correlated (Valenti, 134). This completely erroneous statement assumes that women do not have the mental capacity to fully understand their decision as well as the ability to decipher the bogus from the truth. This is just one example that Valenti gives in her book of the ways that the purity myth attempts to control women's bodies. I look forward to finishing The Purity Myth in hopes to have a better understanding of how virginity discourse continues to shape our sexual realities.

Everywhere I turn, I hear and view examples of this myth at work. I find the usage of these misconceptions particularly insidious when utilized in television, film, and print media geared towards adolescent girls. At a time when accurate and inclusive information about sex is needed the most,instead, we see it denied to the majority of America's youth. We still receive messages that men have uncontrollable, biological urges for sex, while simultaneously denying sexual agency to women, especially teenage girls. I am looking forward to further examining these messages as I continue with my research.

Please feel free to comment with messages you may have received about sexuality and virginity growing up, as well as examples of these discourses functioning within pop culture and current events. I love feedback peeps!

Beach House-new album to be released on the 26th!

I deem Beach House as one of my all time favorite bands, not only because I have a thing for lady vocalists, but also because they are truly that awesome. Their albums all maintain this dreamy, lullaby-like feel that I love playing in the mornings when I'm sleepily opening up the cafe. The official release date of Teen Dream is January 26th, although I'm not going to lie to you, I have my hands on a copy. I love it and guarantee it shall find it's way to my best of 2010 list. Check out this video of a live recording of Beach House appropriately playing their first single Used to Be on a beach in Sydney, Australia. There's also an adorable clip of Victoria singing TLC's Waterfalls. <3 <3 <3



Enjoy, yes?!

The Year of Manliness

Today I found myself lazily browsing the remains of the 2010 calendar selection at Borders Books. 50 percent off; can't pass that up! As I perused the shelves, I found myself drawn to a calendar based on the title alone: The Year of Manliness. I picked it up and analyzed the samples of the illustrations found inside. It's certainly amusing to say the least, but it also struck the feminist chord in me. This is simply one calendar amongst the many, but these extreme displays of what we consider masculine (and feminine) are oftentimes problematic and as a collective are extremely influential to what shape us and pigeonhole us into the roles of man and woman. Here's a few haphazard iphone pics. Sorry about the glare.







I am particularly taken aback by the phrase "Get Punched in the Face Daily," found on the backside of the calendar. Although meant to be funny I'm sure, the linkage of masculinity with muscles and violence bothers me. I know that it's nothing new, but here lies a perfect example of the notion that to be considered a real man means that one must maintain an aggressive persona at all times. We see the same tired theme play out in television, film, and even in the historical tellings of countless wars.

These ideas also serve as a reinforcement of the stereotype of the gay male as overly feminine. The discrimination against gays in the military through "Don't Ask, don't tell" serves as a real life example of these influences at work. To openly admit to a sexual preference that moves beyond the heterosexual standard means to abandon your masculinity and lose any credibility as an effective member of the US military. This has an effect on women in the military as well, where although becoming more acceptable for females to serve, women are not taken as seriously and are also likely to face sexual harassment and oftentimes sexual assault. Lesbians in the military throw another wrench in the traditional ideas of masculinity and femininity. Once again, by openly admitting to a sexual preference other than heterosexuality, lesbians in the military are victim to discrimination on multiple levels. To pass as a woman by traditional standards, one must adopt a passive demeanor and should be attracted to a man sexually. Lesbians frequently find themselves stereotyped as masculine, and on top of that do not engage in sexual relations with men. It's a classic double bind. No matter what she does, as a queer woman, she will find herself unacceptable by the constraints of traditional gender roles.

So here's my point, this comic, over the top portrayal of extreme masculinity speaks volumes of what society believes, be it a small piece in the gigantic puzzle of ideas surrounding gender and sexuality. We internalize these pictures and words and they shape our lives daily. They shape the notion that a woman must remain hairless ("you aren't hairy enough for this tome of manliness"). They shape the identities of young boys who learn that to prove themselves, they must do it with violence. They shape the discriminatory policies towards the GLBTQ community, in the military and beyond. This chance encounter with a random calendar reminds me just how important it is to become aware of and move beyond these old standards.


HAPPY NEW YEAR! Keep the spirit alive in 2010!